Wednesday, May 18, 2005

LA news is all beef, hold the mustard...

I rarely watch any form of news on television, outside of The Daily Show. I choose, instead, to peruse various internet sites throughout the day to keep me up to date on the what's what. But every once in a while, the local news will end up on in the background whilst I am doing something else.

Right now is such a "once in a while." I thought I'd share the following piece of important news that Fox felt obligated to share with me:

John Beard: Every dog has it's day, and from now on, every dog will have it's bun. Doesn't it make you crazy when you have to buy eight hot dogs in a package, but the buns come in packs of six or a dozen. Some folks in Chicago actually staged protests over all this, but tonight there's peace - the Vienna Hot Dog Company and The S. Rosen Bakery have made a deal. They will sell dogs and buns, eight for a pack. No more waste! Bon appetite.

Christine Devine: About time, huh?

Yes, Christine. It's about time indeed. Now, instead of leading into a wonderful report about the Netflix of purses, allowing me the opportunity to rent purses, hows about some actual journalism? Either that, or just porn and start pounding John Beard right there on the news desk, while the weatherman gives us forecasts of your upcoming moves. I mean, John Beard and Christine Devine are already porn names anyway, right? Right. Thanks.


At 6:34 AM, Blogger EmoRiot said...

We can all have our individual opinions of Ralph Nader, but he gave a speech once where he railed against local news and it was among the funniest moments of a politician's speech I've ever seen. He goes off on these fluff stories, the way they hosts have to banter and make those stupid comments... and he works up into a frenzy that climaxed in his complaining about the weather people in LA and how they tell you every region's temperature even though there's virtually no deviation... like, "It's gonna be a warm day throughout the southland today. Burbank reaching highs of 92, Pasadena also 92, 91 in Woodland Hills, 93 in downtown LA and most parts of the valley and getting all the way up to 94 out in the inland empire."

You know, I have to think that if I was a local news person that I'd be freaking out about how my life has no purpose and my job does nothing to serve the public good. I want what the mindset is of a local news anchor or backstage "journalist." Do you feel bad when you're covering 12 minutes of violence in a 22 minute broadcast? Do you feel bad when you're reading the intro for a story that you know is a video news release from a major drug company and you have to pretend like your station's doing a public service by this expose on the benefits of Maxitor? When you go home at night and watch the broadcast, does it suck the same for you as it does for us?


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