Friday, May 20, 2005

"Hello...Mrs. Pummelhorse...I'd like to get down now..."

I'm rather hungover at the moment and, in fact, have not even left to go to my stupid job yet. Suffice it to say, I am not feeling inclined to post a music review this Friday, and since I'm the sole emperor of this little blog, I can rule with an iron fist. Thus, no music review for you.

It's for the best anyway, as I actually haven't listened to much music this week which would be worth reviewing (unless you somehow did not already know that the 10+ year old first CD from Rage is quite good).


At 10:34 AM, Blogger EmoRiot said...

Since your too drunk to blog, then I will be your designated reviewer!

Given the short notice, I'll just take the first CD that loads in the iTunes new releases bar of the iTunes music store. Hang on...

American Idol Season 4
The Showstoppers!

Have you found yourself longing to hear songs that weren't good enough to keep people in the competition? Do you want to relive that feeling you have watching American Idol when, instead of admiring a contestant's version of a song, you find yourself thinking "You know, this version makes me realize how good the original REALLY is"?

Then American Idol Season 4 Showstoppers is for YOU!!!

Drop the CD in your player and instantly get rockin' to Carrie Underwood's version of Independence Day, a song which has been happily hijacked by conservative radical-right wing talking points repeating Sean Hannity!

Carrie leads off the CD... does this foreshadow her chances of success next week?

Following her is other finalist, Bo Bice, who gives us what Bo does best... boring rock songs that sound much like the original but not enough to get my 99 cents from iTunes.

But the real breakout performance on this CD is no idol. It's Antares Auto-Tune version 4, a pitch correction software that takes Randy's ratings from "kinda pitchy, just a'ight" to "that was hot, dawg!"

Midway through the trip down memory-loss lane we find Constatine Maroulis doing what he does best... lathering up the smarm thicker than Hawaiian Tropic oil on a brazillian-speedo-wearing gigolo. He has brought new significance to the title of his track, since his rendition of My Funny Valentine is indeed... funny.

Want to remember how good Phil Collins is? Listen to Scott Savol's version of "Against All Odds." It's not bad, mind you. But you'll understand that special quality of the Collins version when you hear it.

Yes... this CD has it all. And by all, I mean it all has none of the quality of the originals. It has all of the tacky feel of the show. And it has all of the whispers of bad deals for the contestants and high profits for the producers. So I can wholeheartedly recommend you rush over to iTunes and buy your copy of the "Against All Odds Motion picture Soundtrack!"


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